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WEED, ECSTACY, COCAINE AND BOOZE WERE THE ONLY WAY I KNEW. Anything to get me out of my head. Overthinking Dark, evil, scary thoughts. Constant worry and anxiety. My mind was hell. A non-stop barrage of shit that made me feel like shit. And I could not turn it off. “You’re not good enough” “If people REALLY knew you they would hate you.” “I’m never going to be anyone, I suck.” I felt alone. I felt depressed. Most of the time I just wanted to run away, to escape, but I had no idea where to go. My mind was constantly there, I couldn’t escape it. Unless I numbed it with drugs. Then and only then did I feel some kind of relief. Escapism. Sedation. Ignorance. Numbing out the pain so as not to feel. But the relief was always only temporary. Like painting over a mouldy wall. It looks ok for a bit, but the mould eventually will break through. Surprisingly and painfully I realised the only way to beat this was to stop hiding from the pain and face it head on. Instead of masking and hiding and ultimately LYING about what I felt, I sat with it. I felt it all. I let it be. I started meditating. Consciously working through my thoughts. I stopped fighting them. I changed my focus, I began to actively TRAIN MY MIND.. Like teaching a dog to sit, I repeatedly domesticated my mind, not by ignoring it, but by caring for it. Loving it. I began to be compassionate with myself I began to love myself. But most importantly? I began to talk to other men and to my surprise I found I wasn’t alone. My beautiful friend. You are not, and never were alone. #modernwarriorbrotherhood #mensmentalhealth #menmatter #wakeupwarrior
Duration: 15 sPosted : Sun, 31 Mar 2024 08:10:48Views
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